Do you know your love language? What if I were to tell you that knowing your love language, your partners and your kids, will dramatically transform a relationship? What if I told you that you'll feel more love than you ever have before and satisfied in your intimate, professional, and personal relationships? When everyone is involved, vulnerable, and communicating, beautiful things happen.
The 5 love languages have been known and taught for many years now. Gary Chapman, PhD and marriage counsellor, created this theory and it not only rings true, it works when applied in all types of relationships.
Adults typically have one love language, sometimes two. Whether it's physical touch, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts or words of affirmation, we all have a language that speaks the loudest to us. As humans, we want to receive love expressed as one (or 2) of the above. If you don't know your partner's love language and/or they don't know yours, you tend to show others your own love language thinking this is how it works. Needs go unmet, connection gets dropped, and resentment builds. The key here is that BOTH parties need to be invested in making this work. To know your love language, visit https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
Many problems stem from this one issue alone and simply being knowledgeable in everyone's love language whom are involved, will create leaps and bounds in repairing and continuing with successful relationships. This isn't just for couples either. Knowing your coworkers, teachers, friends and extended families' love language will greatly improve your relationship with them.
A big problem occurs when each partner in the relationship behaves in ways THEY want to be treated. If the way they feel loved is giving gifts, they'll shower their partner with gifts when really, their partner's love language is acts of service. He/she wants him/her to be helping out around the house or running an errand, not receiving flowers. Trying to explain this makes the receiver appear ungrateful for the gifts and the giver feels angry at their efforts going unseen. Resentment slowly simmers away. Not only is the receiver not getting what they need, the giver is giving without appreciation. Knowing you and your partner's love language opens massive doors. In this scenario, if the husband had offered to go pick up the dry cleaning (her love language is acts of service), she would be elated and feel that he is speaking her love language. On the flip side, if his love language is gifts, rather than the wife perform her love language (act of service), she may surprise her husband with his favorite bread from the bakery. Now, note that receiving gifts doesn't have to be an actual gift although some prefer this. It may be experiences, a soft stone you found, flowers picked on your way home from work, time, or being surprised with a picnic.
This same theory works for children and this is where we need to pay attention. Kids need to receive love in all 5 languages BUT there is still one or two that kids need above all. How do you figure out which language is your childs?
Watch and learn. Does your child constantly ask you to put down your phone and play with them? Do they pull at your sleeve and ask to read books? Do they come and sit on your lap or ask for a hug? As adults, acting in accordance to YOUR love language in any relationship will backfire but for kids, they will act in the way they want to be treated. They will ask you to behave a certain way (put your phone down, hug them, ask how they look in a dress, etc). Pick up on this. Know that THIS is your child's love language. In order for them to feel love, it's not good enough to just love them. They need to be loved in their language to feel fully nourished whether that's laying down to read with them, accepting a game of cards, or gushing over their job well done. Listen to what your child requests of you.
Take the quiz on your own (with your child in mind) or ask your child their answers to get an idea of their love language if you are stumped by physical cues : https://www.proprofs.com/quiz-school/story.php?title=5-love-languages-children-quiz
A child with unmet loving needs reacts with poor behavior, restlessness, picking fights, disobedience, preference for someone else who does speak their language and defiance. Their love tank isn't full enough from just the verbal 'I love you' or hugs. Some kids don't feel love from physical touch at all! Sure they like it but that's not floating their boat as much as sitting and building Lego does. Note that kids who experience love with physical touch are deeply scarred by spanking, slaps on the bum, being pushed or any type of physical abuse. They may actually question your love for them when physical abuse is present. It's a complex way of thinking and needs thought and awareness for success.
As a relationship coach, it's important for me to know your love language, your partner's and your kids. This will help everyone involved tremendously! Whether you're seeking help in your relationship with your spouse, kids/teens, within a blended family, coworkers, friends, etc. I am excited to not only teach you your love language but to apply it and watch your relationship(s) flourish!
Where do I come in?
- I will help you reveal and understand your love language (and those in relationships with you)
- I will help you make the commitment to apply this work in your every day relationships
- I will encourage you to dig deep into why this love language has chosen you and understand your unique needs (as well as those you're involved with)
- I will support you, your teen, spouse, etc in this journey and hold everyone accountable for implementing these languages daily
- I will support the reversal of relationship issues by teaching, seeing, and hearing you and your families past history of complaints
- I will support and encourage open communication and boundary setting
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